Decision!

I have been a stay at home mom for the past 4years. I have been there with him for ALL of his moments! Big or little they have all been imprinted on my heart. Even when I fuss/whine/moan/ groan! About his eating habits, toileting set backs and wake up times that seem to be more in line with the birds than humans. Each moment is a joy, maybe not right away, but it's really a true joy to be able to be there always for him (excluding date nights or mom's night/day's out!!) But now I face a challenging decision, do I go "back to work"? There are several great things about working outside the home(I have a list of at least 5 pros!) I hold nothing against "working mom's" in fact I applaud them. Just the thought of "going back" terrifies me(I have 7 con's)?!!? It really strikes my heart with fear and sadness. And I am struggling to reflect why? What is it that causes me to tear up each time I think of working outside the home? Thus far I haven't been able to put my finger on it, only to be able to finger the actual emotions I feel inside each time the topic comes up. Terror....Sadness...Stress...Overwhelming... Tentative.... Its not the first time I've been at a loss of what to do, yet its the first time as a mommy. I was hoping it would be a little more clearer as to which path I should take, which opening I should pass through, what decision I should make. All I know for certain is "I'm gonna miss this!"http://youtu.be/lBDN8yWyNYU At least this moment will be captured in time for me to look back at as a mom of a teenager when I want to sell him to the zoo! Or pay the circus to take him!